A Guide for Tennis Parents: Supporting Your Child During Matches
A child remembers how it felt, not the score.
As a parent you want to be there. You want to help, encourage and support. That's wonderful, and very valuable. But the way you are present makes the difference. Not through coaching, but through your attitude. At 359.tennis we see every day the effect parents have on children during matches, both positive and negative. In this blog we share concrete tips you can use straight away. Also read our blog about parenting without pressure and why competition is essential for development.
"We don't compare players with each other. We compare a player with their previous version. Progress. Not Perfection."
What is the role of tennis parents at matches?
Parents have a big influence on how a child experiences a match. Not by giving technical instructions, which is the coach's job, but by offering emotional stability. A child who feels it is safe to make mistakes plays more freely. A child who feels pressure to win tenses up.
What support do children need from their parents?
Every child is different, but the basic needs during matches are universal.
- •Safety: the feeling that it's okay to make mistakes
- •Trust: knowing their parent is proud, whatever the result
- •Space: to learn and make decisions themselves
- •No pressure on the result: no expectation to win
What should tennis parents avoid doing?
These behaviours are often well meant but backfire. They increase the pressure and reduce the fun.
- •Giving technical instructions during the match
- •Showing negative body language (shaking your head, sighing, walking away)
- •Showing frustration at your child's mistakes
- •Comparing your child with other players
- •Analysing what went wrong straight after a loss
What are positive actions for parents during matches?
The most powerful contribution a parent can make is a positive presence. Being calm. Radiating trust. And asking the right questions afterwards.
- •Be present and calm: your calm is their calm
- •Smile, nod, give a thumbs up
- •Ask process questions afterwards: 'What went to plan?'
- •Ask: 'What were you proud of?'
- •Ask: 'What will you take to your next match?'
- •Compliment effort and attitude, not the score
What is the 359 vision on player development?
At 359, competition is an essential part of our programme. We actively encourage matches. But we don't reward the result, we reward the behaviour. We don't compare players with each other. We compare a player with their previous version. That is what we call progress.
- •Competition is essential for development
- •Progress comes first, not perfection
- •Behaviour matters more than the result
- •We compare players with their previous version, not with others
What is the long-term impact of parental support?
A child doesn't remember the result of every match. But they do remember how it felt. Was there warmth? Was there safety? Was there room to make mistakes? As a parent you can make that feeling a positive one. Not by coaching, but by being there. With trust. With calm. With the right words at the right moment.
Key takeaways
- ✓Parents have a big influence, not through coaching but through attitude
- ✓Children need safety, trust and space during matches
- ✓Avoid technical instructions and comparisons with others
- ✓Ask process questions afterwards: what went well, what did you learn?
- ✓A child doesn't remember the score, but the feeling
Want to know more about how 359 involves parents in their child's development? View our programmes and experience our approach.
Want to learn more about our Parent System?
At 359 we work with a clear parent guidance structure. Read our full 359 Parent System document.
